Just a Few Little Things I Need Help With....
Posted by Ha Ha, Apr 12 2007, 11:46 PM
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Just as many people do, I pray in a nonchalant way several times a day. Don't we all? Please don't let it rain....Please let me find a gas station before I run out.....Please help me get that job.....Please let me get to the last Jelly Donut before Grizzly does......alot of us do this. This got me to thinking, if I could pray for help with all of the little things at once, what would those "little things" be? How would I decide what is important enough to mention in prayer? When should I send up a second "mass praying"? Next week? Tomorrow? The next time there is only one jelly donut left ? Anyhoo, here is my open letter to God, about some little things I need help with.
Dear God,
How are you? You have attempted to teach me a few lesson's this week and I hope I have learned from them what I was supposed to. I just wanted to talk to you about a few things that may be small now but if left untreated could quickly grow to become either massively atrocious or embarrassingly noticeable...or, God forbid, (and I mean that LITERALLY) both. So here goes.....
Please help me to avoid making the "stinky" face at work. Although it isn't exactly my job to change adult diapers, I am a nurse and should NOT be walking down a hallway waving my hand in front of my face saying "Ewww, gross". Especially when the family of the person who owns that particular smell is standing in the hall waiting to go back into the room when their loved one is "cleaned up".
Please don't knock me down a peg or two because I have been gloating a bit lately. I gloat about people getting a comeuppance for something they did but knew better than to do and since what they were doing either affected me or my patients then I would like to have a gloat or two.
Please don't send me a comeuppance for doing something that I knew better than to do but did anyway.
Thank you for helping me to find my cell phone. had no idea that I had left it in my uniform. I also had no idea that the uniform would go through an entire wash cycle before it was found. I'm also not sure if having the phone go through the entire washing cycle was your way of telling me that the phone wasn't waterproof or what.....
Thanks for the new phone.
Please don't let Grizzly's new cell phone and his use of same cause me to regret getting him one.
I would like to know if you could maybe move "bowel night" to one of my days off. Bowel night is when everybody poops, needs help to poop, or hasn't pooped in so long that I am forced to perform a manual stool detection. I respectfully ask the same of vagina night.
Please let me sing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" without thinking of someone over whom I have been gloating.
As much as I want that purse made out of license plates, it costs $195 and I refuse to spend that much on such a poor purchase. Please help me find another way to get it. I have already thought of stealing it and know darn well that I'm to fat to run fast. Please think of something else. Grizzly isn't a fast runner either, I thought of that already.
Please let me find a crate of botox, return it to the Surgeon who is missing it and get free treatments for the rest of my life. Since I am only 42 a lifetime of treatments is a LONG time.
Please could you make sure that the world churns out new writers every day, it could get boring once a person has read all the books on earth.
Please bless all of the people and critters and me,
Amen, Ha Ha.... innocent.gif
Monday, February 9, 2009
Hot Mama
Posted by Ha Ha, Apr 20 2007, 01:51 PM
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The weather here has been a very sweet 18 degrees or so for the past four days, and given I live in Northern Ontario this is not bad at all! Today though, I woke up with a head cold and a fever so it seemed WAY too warm to me today. I whined to Grizzly for about half an hour and he finally agreed to put the air conditioner in for me.....when he was done he absolutely refused to do it next year. This is because his pants fell down on the way out of the storage room and since he was carrying the air conditioner he couldn't pull them up. I thought this was hilarious and had a great laugh, and refused to pull his pants up for him......Now I'm stuck NOT watching television because I had to let him play Guitar Hero to make up for laughing at him. I hope the day is beautiful where you are!!!!!! w00t.gif
Posted by Ha Ha, Apr 20 2007, 01:51 PM
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The weather here has been a very sweet 18 degrees or so for the past four days, and given I live in Northern Ontario this is not bad at all! Today though, I woke up with a head cold and a fever so it seemed WAY too warm to me today. I whined to Grizzly for about half an hour and he finally agreed to put the air conditioner in for me.....when he was done he absolutely refused to do it next year. This is because his pants fell down on the way out of the storage room and since he was carrying the air conditioner he couldn't pull them up. I thought this was hilarious and had a great laugh, and refused to pull his pants up for him......Now I'm stuck NOT watching television because I had to let him play Guitar Hero to make up for laughing at him. I hope the day is beautiful where you are!!!!!! w00t.gif
Fun With Puberty
Posted by Ha Ha, Apr 22 2007, 01:34 PM
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Ah yes......I have complained and moaned and whined and scream and STILL Grizzly is not through puberty. In order to have a bit'o'fun yesterday, I managed to come up with a few new and embarrassing ways to show him who is boss......Mothers take note!
1) While walking in a public place (or standing, I'm not fussy) give your kid a surprise bum pinch. I did this to Grizzly at a very busy intersection on a day when everybody has their car windows open and they all heard him scream like a little girl.....Then, of course, RUN AWAY! w00t.gif
2) While sitting in the stuffy and germ infested after-hours clinic waiting to See a Doctor that not only DOESN'T know you but about whom all you know is really NASTY, BAD CRAP, and twelve four year olds are not only screaming and whining but also coughing without covering their mouths AND wiping snot on all the furniture, discretely and quickly cover your own mouth just after you yell "COVER YOUR MOUTHS YOU HAIRY LITTLE BASTARDS!" Then look around to see who the hell was so MEAN as to yell at all the cute, snot-hurling devil spawn...
3) In the split second of quiet that follows the above look viciously at your child and LOUDLY say..." Holy Crap Grizz, I know it's hard to wait to see the Doctor when your penis is so sore...but these little babies are sick too, eh?"
4) Wear your Ipod while awaiting for your prescription for cough syrup and for each new song that comes on, yell out the title (the goofier that better) or the name of the band (ditto) For example "YMCA!"........"PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!"......."LITTLE BROWN CHURCH IN THE VALE!"......."JOY TO THE WORLD!"......."SESAME STREET!!!!"
5) Attempt to "crump" to same, or if unable to master crumping dance like MC Hammer in that "Can't Touch This " video....
6) Insist on holding the hand of your great big HULKING fourteen-year-old as he crosses the street.
7) Insist he kiss you in public.
8) When the two of you bump into a kid your kid knows from school and whom you have never met, pretend that your kid's nickname is "Skid Mark".
9) Have your child paged over the mall speaker system, but use his embarrassing nickname from his babyhood.....ie:" Would Peanut Ha Ha please come to the courtesy desk to meet your Mommy" Don't let on that your kid is not only MUCH bigger then you, but also NOT lost.
10) Pretend that your son is a daughter...call him "Princess" or "Brenda" even.....and watch the odd looks people give him trying to figure out why they thought he was a boy!!!!
innocent.gif
Posted by Ha Ha, Apr 22 2007, 01:34 PM
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Ah yes......I have complained and moaned and whined and scream and STILL Grizzly is not through puberty. In order to have a bit'o'fun yesterday, I managed to come up with a few new and embarrassing ways to show him who is boss......Mothers take note!
1) While walking in a public place (or standing, I'm not fussy) give your kid a surprise bum pinch. I did this to Grizzly at a very busy intersection on a day when everybody has their car windows open and they all heard him scream like a little girl.....Then, of course, RUN AWAY! w00t.gif
2) While sitting in the stuffy and germ infested after-hours clinic waiting to See a Doctor that not only DOESN'T know you but about whom all you know is really NASTY, BAD CRAP, and twelve four year olds are not only screaming and whining but also coughing without covering their mouths AND wiping snot on all the furniture, discretely and quickly cover your own mouth just after you yell "COVER YOUR MOUTHS YOU HAIRY LITTLE BASTARDS!" Then look around to see who the hell was so MEAN as to yell at all the cute, snot-hurling devil spawn...
3) In the split second of quiet that follows the above look viciously at your child and LOUDLY say..." Holy Crap Grizz, I know it's hard to wait to see the Doctor when your penis is so sore...but these little babies are sick too, eh?"
4) Wear your Ipod while awaiting for your prescription for cough syrup and for each new song that comes on, yell out the title (the goofier that better) or the name of the band (ditto) For example "YMCA!"........"PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!"......."LITTLE BROWN CHURCH IN THE VALE!"......."JOY TO THE WORLD!"......."SESAME STREET!!!!"
5) Attempt to "crump" to same, or if unable to master crumping dance like MC Hammer in that "Can't Touch This " video....
6) Insist on holding the hand of your great big HULKING fourteen-year-old as he crosses the street.
7) Insist he kiss you in public.
8) When the two of you bump into a kid your kid knows from school and whom you have never met, pretend that your kid's nickname is "Skid Mark".
9) Have your child paged over the mall speaker system, but use his embarrassing nickname from his babyhood.....ie:" Would Peanut Ha Ha please come to the courtesy desk to meet your Mommy" Don't let on that your kid is not only MUCH bigger then you, but also NOT lost.
10) Pretend that your son is a daughter...call him "Princess" or "Brenda" even.....and watch the odd looks people give him trying to figure out why they thought he was a boy!!!!
innocent.gif
Cravings....
Posted by Ha Ha, May 5 2007, 01:28 PM
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As I'm sure anyone who reads my blog even once is aware, I have a sweet tooth the size of Texas and could live on sugar if I had too....(Well, with a few T-bone Steaks thrown in grin2.gif ) (and Curry, the chicken and rice kind thumbsup.gif ) In fact, I have had days were, when going through them at bedtime, I have realized I didn't eat one single thing that's good for me ALL FREAKIN' DAY!!! Not a bite of fruit....not a whiff of veggie.....not even a brief consideration of eating something remotely close to being "good" for me. This is why I have slowly gotten fatter and fatter, wider and paler and yes, MEANER over the past few years.
Recently I realized that I felt like poo, looked like my Grandmother (who is beautiful but THIN)(and profoundly DEMENTED now that I think about it!) and was questioning my mental faculties (the scariest thing of ALL for someone like me! devil.gif ) and FINALLY decided that I should be taking better care of myself...which immediately translates into "NO MORE JUNK FOOD CHUBBY!!!!!" no.gif and"VITAMINS, VITAMINS, VITAMINS"!!!!!! For the last few weeks I have taken Vitamins A,B50, C,D, calcium, magnesium, Omega 3-6-9,a multivitamin ( to fill in the blank spots) and probably a few more that I can't recall of off the top of my head....( that's the mental faculty thingy I was questioning...)and I have begun to feel FANTASTIC!!! I have more energy, not as stressed out...all that kind of thing. But DAMN I miss my sweeties!!!
So.....now, you knew it was coming,....here is my LIST OF CRAVINGS:
1) God, please send me a jelly donut.
2)Reese's Peanut Butter cups
3) Tim Horton's French Vanilla Iced Cappuccino.
4)Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream.
5)Jelly donuts.
6) Nanaimo bars.
7) Cheesecake.
8) Smarties.
9) Chocolate ANY thing
10) Cookies.
......And if I can't have these, I would be perfectly satisfied with being able to smell the breath of someone who CAN! whistling2.gif
Have a nice day! bounce.gif
Posted by Ha Ha, May 5 2007, 01:28 PM
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As I'm sure anyone who reads my blog even once is aware, I have a sweet tooth the size of Texas and could live on sugar if I had too....(Well, with a few T-bone Steaks thrown in grin2.gif ) (and Curry, the chicken and rice kind thumbsup.gif ) In fact, I have had days were, when going through them at bedtime, I have realized I didn't eat one single thing that's good for me ALL FREAKIN' DAY!!! Not a bite of fruit....not a whiff of veggie.....not even a brief consideration of eating something remotely close to being "good" for me. This is why I have slowly gotten fatter and fatter, wider and paler and yes, MEANER over the past few years.
Recently I realized that I felt like poo, looked like my Grandmother (who is beautiful but THIN)(and profoundly DEMENTED now that I think about it!) and was questioning my mental faculties (the scariest thing of ALL for someone like me! devil.gif ) and FINALLY decided that I should be taking better care of myself...which immediately translates into "NO MORE JUNK FOOD CHUBBY!!!!!" no.gif and"VITAMINS, VITAMINS, VITAMINS"!!!!!! For the last few weeks I have taken Vitamins A,B50, C,D, calcium, magnesium, Omega 3-6-9,a multivitamin ( to fill in the blank spots) and probably a few more that I can't recall of off the top of my head....( that's the mental faculty thingy I was questioning...)and I have begun to feel FANTASTIC!!! I have more energy, not as stressed out...all that kind of thing. But DAMN I miss my sweeties!!!
So.....now, you knew it was coming,....here is my LIST OF CRAVINGS:
1) God, please send me a jelly donut.
2)Reese's Peanut Butter cups
3) Tim Horton's French Vanilla Iced Cappuccino.
4)Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream.
5)Jelly donuts.
6) Nanaimo bars.
7) Cheesecake.
8) Smarties.
9) Chocolate ANY thing
10) Cookies.
......And if I can't have these, I would be perfectly satisfied with being able to smell the breath of someone who CAN! whistling2.gif
Have a nice day! bounce.gif
Happy Momma's Day!
Posted by Ha Ha, May 13 2007, 06:30 PM
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First of all, yesterday while in the local greeting card store, I was horribly attacked by a brat sitting in the top of a shopping cart...The little monster PUNCHED me devil.gif as I walked by her. Granted she was only maybe four or so, but I was more surprised by the reaction of her mother, who 'tee-hee'-ed and said " Oh now mommy's wittle poopee, you are sooooooooo sweet...are you trying to protect your Mommy sweetie?" in BABY TALK!!!! no.gif So, me being me, I poked the mommy from hell and said " Awwwwwww, Ever cute....but she isn't trying to protect you "mommy" she's trying to show everyone what a great parent you are!". There were two older men standing nearby and as I walked by them they BOTH said...:"that would NEVER have happened in my day!" Seriously couldn't this woman have used even ONE of the most important words we teach our children? The ones right up there with please and thank-you, "NO" and "DON'T"!!!! Plus my feelings where hurt..... crying.gif
Grizzly has been trying to get me to open my Mother's Day gift since he bought it, so this morning it was right beside my coffee. I was very pleasantly surprised because he bought me nice chocolate, (honestly I'll eat ANY chocolate, so I never buy the nice stuff!) and two white porcelain robins with fat little chests and upturned tails that I just love to pieces! Plus Grizz made breakfast and is now making dinner....I am ssssoooooo spoiled. I love that little bugger. And not just because he doesn't hit strangers when we go out shopping..... thumbsup.gif
Happy Mother's Day !!!!!! grin2.gif
Posted by Ha Ha, May 13 2007, 06:30 PM
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First of all, yesterday while in the local greeting card store, I was horribly attacked by a brat sitting in the top of a shopping cart...The little monster PUNCHED me devil.gif as I walked by her. Granted she was only maybe four or so, but I was more surprised by the reaction of her mother, who 'tee-hee'-ed and said " Oh now mommy's wittle poopee, you are sooooooooo sweet...are you trying to protect your Mommy sweetie?" in BABY TALK!!!! no.gif So, me being me, I poked the mommy from hell and said " Awwwwwww, Ever cute....but she isn't trying to protect you "mommy" she's trying to show everyone what a great parent you are!". There were two older men standing nearby and as I walked by them they BOTH said...:"that would NEVER have happened in my day!" Seriously couldn't this woman have used even ONE of the most important words we teach our children? The ones right up there with please and thank-you, "NO" and "DON'T"!!!! Plus my feelings where hurt..... crying.gif
Grizzly has been trying to get me to open my Mother's Day gift since he bought it, so this morning it was right beside my coffee. I was very pleasantly surprised because he bought me nice chocolate, (honestly I'll eat ANY chocolate, so I never buy the nice stuff!) and two white porcelain robins with fat little chests and upturned tails that I just love to pieces! Plus Grizz made breakfast and is now making dinner....I am ssssoooooo spoiled. I love that little bugger. And not just because he doesn't hit strangers when we go out shopping..... thumbsup.gif
Happy Mother's Day !!!!!! grin2.gif
Hello?
Posted by Ha Ha, Oct 22 2007, 04:47 PM
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Alrighty then...I'm pretty sure I'm back from the great unknown...but after three attempts to write an acceptable entry I have given up.....EMBARRASSING!!! geeze....
So let's see..Randomness...
October is here and already gone!!! This is my favorite month of them all, full of great colors and crispy leaves, the damp smell of the earth and the overall chilliness...It has rained here for pretty much the ENTIRE month though. Good thing I can't find the idiot that ordered THAT! Lots of good horror movies on television and in the theatres too...BOO!!!
This summer while I was dealing with a nasty flare up of my fibromyalgia, I had to spend a few days here and there walking with a cane...You wouldn't BELIEVE the emotional difficulties this causes. I spent many HOURS literally leaning against walls and counters rather then bring my cane with me out in public. And people STARE!!! When My Mom had to start using Oxygen 24/7 she told me it was hard to do for exactly the same reasons....I thought she was silly then. NOT ANY MORE! Finally I told myself "Self, don't be a dink, take the freakin' cane" And once I started to use it in public, I gave up worrying about it. By the way, I named my cane Horatio....get it? Horatio CANE!!!!?? Anyone?
What else...
Read a book about Hiroshima and a few days after I finished it a documentary called "White Light" was on television and Grizzly watched it with me...I was glad he did because I had discussed the book with him and he needs to learn the horrible things that happened. He took that information to school one day and led a class discussion on Nuclear War and the damages it leaves behind. Grizz isn't much of a reader, so when I read something I try to teach him about it as well as I can.
Wow, I'm boring I know...but I've been off!!!
Hopefully I will be more entertaining next time!
Posted by Ha Ha, Oct 22 2007, 04:47 PM
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Alrighty then...I'm pretty sure I'm back from the great unknown...but after three attempts to write an acceptable entry I have given up.....EMBARRASSING!!! geeze....
So let's see..Randomness...
October is here and already gone!!! This is my favorite month of them all, full of great colors and crispy leaves, the damp smell of the earth and the overall chilliness...It has rained here for pretty much the ENTIRE month though. Good thing I can't find the idiot that ordered THAT! Lots of good horror movies on television and in the theatres too...BOO!!!
This summer while I was dealing with a nasty flare up of my fibromyalgia, I had to spend a few days here and there walking with a cane...You wouldn't BELIEVE the emotional difficulties this causes. I spent many HOURS literally leaning against walls and counters rather then bring my cane with me out in public. And people STARE!!! When My Mom had to start using Oxygen 24/7 she told me it was hard to do for exactly the same reasons....I thought she was silly then. NOT ANY MORE! Finally I told myself "Self, don't be a dink, take the freakin' cane" And once I started to use it in public, I gave up worrying about it. By the way, I named my cane Horatio....get it? Horatio CANE!!!!?? Anyone?
What else...
Read a book about Hiroshima and a few days after I finished it a documentary called "White Light" was on television and Grizzly watched it with me...I was glad he did because I had discussed the book with him and he needs to learn the horrible things that happened. He took that information to school one day and led a class discussion on Nuclear War and the damages it leaves behind. Grizz isn't much of a reader, so when I read something I try to teach him about it as well as I can.
Wow, I'm boring I know...but I've been off!!!
Hopefully I will be more entertaining next time!
Ridiculisms
Posted by Ha Ha, Oct 30 2007, 12:45 PM
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Some things make absolutely NO sense, no matter how you look at'em!!!
1) Every year I get the flu shot. Every year I get the flu. Why do I get the flu shot? Because if I don't get it, and there is a flu outbreak in the long term care facility in which I work, then I will be laid off until the outbreak is over. The flu shot you get this year probably does protect you from the strain of flu that was rampant last year, but it probably doesn't protect you from the new strains of flu out this year. Worse, my employer, against our currently union contract, has decided we aren't entitled to more then six sick days a year, all of which I have used up. This means that when I get my flu shot, then get the flu, I am NOT getting paid sick leave when I am off, AND when I return to work to work through the flu outbreak in the facility and THEN GET THE FLU AGAIN, I am not paid sick leave for that either. This is why people who work with illness etc are fighting to be paid worker's compensation for the illnesses we contract at work.
2) Grizzly, being hard of hearing and learning disabled, did manage to get to high school at 14, which is the normal age for that, however, he didn't actually get there the way other kids do. Since the fifth grade, he has NOT BEEN MARKED on any subject. Not English, math or science. Not history. geography or music. Not gym, reading or french. Not a single grade for a single subject once in 4 years. This is because he is considered a 'special needs" student. Every year in June, when I got his report card, he was moved up a grade. Every year he was moved up a grade I would ask the school why he was "passed" but not graded. Every year they would tell me he WASN'T "passed", he was "placed" in the next grade. Every year I would tell them to look up the definition of the word "semantics". Fortunately this year, Grizzly has recieved an A in Math, a B in Language (English) and a C in Current events. No problem with semantics in high school!!!
3) One day, while waiting for the bus, I saw a pedestrian cross in the middle of the road rather then at the lights, and get hit by a car. There was blood involved, which I watched pool and then coagulate on the pavement near the car tires until the bus finally came. I cross that street AT LEAST 10 times a week, and I STILL don't use the crosswalk.
4) I bought Halloween candy yesterday, but since I live in an apartment building, I don't get trick or treaters. I know this. I bought the candy for me.
Happy Halloween People!!!
Posted by Ha Ha, Oct 30 2007, 12:45 PM
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Some things make absolutely NO sense, no matter how you look at'em!!!
1) Every year I get the flu shot. Every year I get the flu. Why do I get the flu shot? Because if I don't get it, and there is a flu outbreak in the long term care facility in which I work, then I will be laid off until the outbreak is over. The flu shot you get this year probably does protect you from the strain of flu that was rampant last year, but it probably doesn't protect you from the new strains of flu out this year. Worse, my employer, against our currently union contract, has decided we aren't entitled to more then six sick days a year, all of which I have used up. This means that when I get my flu shot, then get the flu, I am NOT getting paid sick leave when I am off, AND when I return to work to work through the flu outbreak in the facility and THEN GET THE FLU AGAIN, I am not paid sick leave for that either. This is why people who work with illness etc are fighting to be paid worker's compensation for the illnesses we contract at work.
2) Grizzly, being hard of hearing and learning disabled, did manage to get to high school at 14, which is the normal age for that, however, he didn't actually get there the way other kids do. Since the fifth grade, he has NOT BEEN MARKED on any subject. Not English, math or science. Not history. geography or music. Not gym, reading or french. Not a single grade for a single subject once in 4 years. This is because he is considered a 'special needs" student. Every year in June, when I got his report card, he was moved up a grade. Every year he was moved up a grade I would ask the school why he was "passed" but not graded. Every year they would tell me he WASN'T "passed", he was "placed" in the next grade. Every year I would tell them to look up the definition of the word "semantics". Fortunately this year, Grizzly has recieved an A in Math, a B in Language (English) and a C in Current events. No problem with semantics in high school!!!
3) One day, while waiting for the bus, I saw a pedestrian cross in the middle of the road rather then at the lights, and get hit by a car. There was blood involved, which I watched pool and then coagulate on the pavement near the car tires until the bus finally came. I cross that street AT LEAST 10 times a week, and I STILL don't use the crosswalk.
4) I bought Halloween candy yesterday, but since I live in an apartment building, I don't get trick or treaters. I know this. I bought the candy for me.
Happy Halloween People!!!
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